My dearest Son,
I often told you that there was no love stronger than a mother's love for her child. I don't know if you really understood how profound that love really is. I also told you that there was no child ever who was more wanted and more loved. From the very first moments of your life, I believed that you were the most perfect and wonderful baby ever. You were blessed with such a good disposition and were quick to smile and quick to laugh. You were so easy in so many ways, except for giving up that bottle at night. Now, that was a problem! Your dad was your hero in so many ways. I think that you felt very proud that your dad was in an Army uniform. Moving away from your dad really threw your world into turmoil. I know you missed him so much and didn't understand why we weren't together anymore. I am so sorry for that. Its not what I wanted either!
Life on our own was hard for you, I know. I was busy trying to make a living for us and didn't have the time or energy to be the kind of mom you really wanted and needed. I wish that I had been able to do so many things with you! I tried hard to do the best for you, I hope you know that. We rarely had an extra dime in those early years. We hardly had money for the laundromat! I remember one time when we splurged and bought hamburgers! What a treat that was. I thought that I would be happy if I never saw meatloaf and macaroni and cheese again! You never complained about those things we couldn't do.
No one ever had a more kind and generous child. You were the best little boy ever! Those teen years were hard for both of us. You really needed a good man in your life to help guide you, but there was not one! I know how desperately you wished that your dad was around but that was not to be and it was not something I could control. Just a week or so before you died, I remember you telling me that you always knew that I would do everything I could to help you. I just wish I had known what to do for you that would have helped you more.
You were just turning the corner and moving into the adult part of your life in May, 1998. You had to deal with your Uncle Jerry's death, your grandpa's death, starting a new job and making some serious decisions when you died. I know that you would have been so successful if you had gone
into the Army! The recruiter was so impressed with you and wrote me a beautiful letter about you. I didn't understand all the stress you were under.
I know that all of your friends miss you so much. Aunt Lollie and I always talk about you and remember all sorts of wonderful things about you. I remember the wonderful way you always came up to me when I was at the kitchen sink and put your arms around me. I remember how easily you always told me that you loved me! I remember that last night when you told me that you loved me when I went to bed. I thought that you were safe and sound and that you would be up in the morning and helping me do my chores!
There was no child ever who was more wanted and more loved. My love for you will never end, my mother's love for you will always be strong and you will forever be in my heart, in each breath I take and each glimmer of sunshine that I see. You are forever my sunshine, my beloved son!
May you be wrapped in the arms of the Lord with all His angels and saints through eternity!
Love forever,
Mom
  
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